Chapter Fourteen

In Search of Self

 

The trip across the plains was uneventful and rather sedate. The weather held as Mira rode the trade road toward Dragon's Bridge. Rorikstead was a small farming town where she stopped midday for a meal and to freshen her horse. She couldn't help notice a forlorn looking young man sweeping the inn's floor, his eyes surreptitiously looking over to any one in armor that was a guest. Shaking her head, she knew the young man yearned for adventure. Maybe on the way back to Whiterun, she will talk to him and see what he is looking for. When Mira headed back on the road, her senses sharpened as they warned her to be wary. Despite the serenity of the afternoon and the meandering river among the foothills to the mountains, there was plenty of spots on the side of the road to hide bandits or others that would ambush a likely target.

Mira unlaced the knot on her scabbard on the saddle and kept a look out for trouble. She heard of the instability of the region regarding the Imperials and Stormcloaks, but also of the Forsaken, whose land this originally belonged to. Mira wished she talked to Ulfric more regarding his part in the events of the region, especially with Markarth. There was so many things she wanted to talk to him about, as she had years of history to catch up on and wanted to hear his story after he left Cyrodil. He didn't talk much past the days in the Legion, or regarding the Bear's death. With his duties being Jarl and leading this little revolt against the Empire, and her own duties as a Companion and dragonborn, the time spent together was simply to enjoy each other.

She had to smile as she remembered the tender moments with Ulfric. Despite Farkas' warning, the jarl did know her, knew what pleased her, what little things aroused her. Even after the years apart, all those talks during hunting trips or over sparring matches, stuck with the man, and he used all those little secrets to get under Mira's skin. He never let his darker side through, however, and whenever Mira tried to touch on the time of his capture by the Aldmeri, Ulfric would distract her away from that line of questioning.

A rattle of stone slipping down the side of the road snapped Mira out of her contemplation and become alert to her surroundings. The werewolf in her had sharp ears and even sharper smell. The unwashed smell of a brigand came to her and she scrunched her nose in distaste. Clucking her tongue, Mira encouraged her mount to fast canter. Clouds were starting to move in, turning to beautiful clear afternoon to a dull grey. She smelled snow on the wind. It was early for snow but being up in the mountains, there was no specific time of the year for the cold season to start. Mira shrugged her fur lined cloak that Ulfric gave her, around her shoulders. However, she still kept a sharp ear out for the bandit that was shadowing her. As far as Mira knew, there were no villages between Dragonsbridge and Solitude, only a couple of hunter's posts and single family homesteads. The road she wanted was somewhere outside of Solitude and then, she had to rely on her tracking skills to find this hagraven coven.

The horse remained at a fast canter until Mira spotted an Imperial patrol ahead. Pulling on the reins, she slowed the horse down to a4 normal walk and made herself appear a normal traveler on her way to Solitude. Mira couldn't hide the swords scabbarded onto her saddles, so didn't attempt to hide them.

“Halt, traveler!” One of the soldiers called to her, holding a hand up. “What is your business?”

“I am traveling to Solitude. I didn't think I needed to check with Imperial soldiers as to my travel plans.”

“I'm sorry to have to ask but the roads are not safe. Especially for a lone woman...” His eyes dropped to her secured swords, to which she gave him a steely look.

“Sergeant, isn't it?”

“Yes, ma'am.”

“This lone woman can take care of herself, I assure you. Any trouble that I may meet will surely meet the end of my steel before their next breath.”

“You can never be too careful. There are Forsaken and Stormcloak upstarts wandering the area. Just be careful and don't wander off the main road.”

“Excuse me...” another man, older, a veteran, stepped forward then. “Are you Centurion Mira Dragon Bane?”

Mira narrowed her eyes at the veteran soldier. “I was a Centurion, yes, but I resigned my commission.”

The older man smiled with relief and poked the young sergeant in the ribs. “Aye, she can take care of herself. She knocked many young whelps such as you to the ground during training. Young bucks thought they could best her because she was some weak woman.”

“Who are you, corporal?” Mira asked.

“Ludus, ma'am. Was a sergeant in your cohort before my drinking got me knocked down in rank.”

“And you were lucky enough to be assigned to Skyrim?”

“Pfah, bad luck. If we don't worry about the rebels, then we have legendary beasts making an appearance in the air lately.”

“Shush, Ludus, the Centurion...”

“Former.” Mira ground out.

“She doesn't want to hear your tales of dragons.”

“There have been dragons around?” Mira leaned forward in her saddle, pinning the corporal to the spot. He blanched and stood straighter at attention.

“Y...yes, sir...ma'am, sir! Nothing but roars echoing off the mountain peaks and glimpses of dark shadows. This is a remote span of the main road, so not enough interest for a beast such as that to take notice of us. I guess we don't make an appealing meal.” He gave a nervous laugh.

“When you saw this dragon, which way did it fly to?”

“Off to the north somewhere.” Ludus waved in a general direction up the mountain.

“Thank you, Ludus.”

The sergeant gave an exasperated sigh and long suffering look to the veteran soldier. “Don't take him too seriously, ma'am, he's always making up tall tales to keep our patrols...entertaining.”

“I wouldn't discount the stories of dragons too much, Sergeant. They are real and they are roving the land.” Mira straightened in her saddle. “Thank you for the news, Ludus. It is good to see a former soldier of mine.”

“If I may be so bold, sir,” Ludus started and then blushed. “why did you resign?”

“I got tired of the politics and needed to come home.”

“You are from Skyrim?” His eyes blinked.

“Do you know any Nords from anywhere else, like Elswyr?” Mira laughed.

“No, sir...uh, well, I'm sorry, just never occurred to me....oh, hell!” Ludus blundered, the two others of the small patrol chuckled behind their hands. “I never thought of you as Nord as you have been in Cyrodiil so long.”

“Relax, man, I'm only teasing. Yes, at the time of my resignation, I had word of a family member needed me home. So, I had to return in haste.”

“My apologies, ma'am.” Ludus mumbled, dropping his head in respect.

“If you had enough embarrassing yourself, corporal, fall in!” The sergeant barked impatiently. Ludus saluted Mira and fell back with his fellows. The young sergeant turned back to her and gave a brief salute. “Be careful, ma'am.”

“Thank you for the note of concern, sergeant.” Mira gave him a nod and heeled her horse to start walking again.

When she was a hundred paces away, Mira looked back to see the small patrol continuing on the road without turning back. It brought a bit of mixed emotions to see someone from her old platoon but knowing that the man didn't judge her harshly for leaving the Legion, brought some relief. Giving a sigh, Mira faced forward again and continued on her own journey, along with her shadow following her. She knew that bandit or whoever was still following her. Wrinkling her nose, she pretended to not even notice the unwashed state of the man.

A few flurries started to swirl around as Mira traveled. She was thinking that maybe making a stop in Solitude might not be a bad idea. Looking skyward, the overcast sky had a stone gray look that didn't bode well. Prompting her horse to a faster trot, Mira kept heading up the road toward Solitude. When a couple of miles passed by, a group of ragtag soldiers hopped out into the middle of the road. The tabards were dirty and ratty but the look of them held experience and wary caution.

“Halt!” The lead soldier called out, raising his hand.

“Do I really seem to be someone to be stopped by every soldier?” Mira muttered under her breath.

“State your business.”

“I'm traveling to Solitude.” Mira answered, holding back her impatience, especially as the snow started to come down more.

“Solitude is home to an Imperial legion. What business does a Nord kinsman have there?”

“There is a storm coming and it is the closest place that has an inn.” Mira said patiently. “Are you trying to keep me out in the snow with these inane questions?”

“You are aware of what is going on in Skyrim, kinswoman?” The soldier asked. “Ulfric Stormcloak is leading a rebellion to free us from the Empire!”

“You don't say?” Mira replied with some sarcasm. This soldier wasn't aware of who she was and her relationship with Ulfric. This must be one of his Stormcloak militia.

“Are you with the Stormcloaks or the Empire?”

Mira cocked her head to the side in astonishment. “Excuse me?”

“Are you a patriot or a traitor?” The soldier said stubbornly. His fellows shuffled their feet uncomfortably at the impromptu interrogation.

“How dare you ask me that question!” Mira growled, her hand going to rest on her sword. “I'm a Nord! Skyrim is my home!”

“Ah, but you are not a Stormcloak!”

“Neither am I an Imperial.” Mira said with a little heat. “This is ridiculous stopping a citizen of Skyrim and questioning her loyalty.”

“There are two sets of loyalty in Skyrim.” The soldier persisted. “Either you are a Stormcloak or Imperial.”

“Whatever happened to being for Skyrim? You realize many different people call Skyrim home?”

The soldiers face reddened. His fellow militiamen tried to calm him down from continuing to aggravate Mira but he shook them off. “I will not be talked down so by a traitor! Get off your horse!”

Mira sighed and tried not to roll her eyes. She smelled anger and fear coming off the man. As she looked at the soldier again, Mira saw that he was rather young. It was some young whelp trying to prove himself. Slowly, Mira eased off the horse, giving it a pat on the neck to sooth the nervous twitches that was happening. As she stepped forward, the lead soldier that was accusing her waved his partners forward to restrain her. Mira didn't struggle as they came and looked apologetically to her and brought out a length of rope to tie her hands before her. They started forward and then took a turn down a game trail down from the main road. After a few minutes, the snow started come down harder, the temperature dropping just as they arrived at a camp where a few other Stormcloak soldiers were battening down tents and gathering furs for inside the tents.

A man in well-kept armor, that stood out from the others stopped what he was doing when he noticed the return of the patrol. He raised his head to see Mira being escorted and came up to them. The soldier that demanded Mira's custody stepped forward and saluted the other.

“What is this, Maelin?”

“She was being uncooperative. She said she was traveling to Solitude to find an inn before the storm. I think she is planning on seeing the Legion stationed there. See the swords on the horse?”

The veteran soldier looked over to the led horse and then to Mira. His eyes narrowed a little, scrutinizing over her, taking in the bound hair, light leather armor, and fur cloak. Mira met his look with her grey eyes, keeping the look as neutral as possible. “What say you, kinswoman?”

“As I told him, I was going to Solitude to find an inn. There is a storm coming and I do not have the appropriate shelter packed to withstand a snow storm.” Mira answered.

“You travel the road and don't prepare properly?” The veteran said.

“I've forgotten about the autumn squalls that pop up unexpectedly. I've only been back in Skyrim for a few months.”

“Really?” The man drawled out his response, giving Mira a disbelieving look. “Take her to the commander's tent. He will question her when he returns.” He directed the young soldier that captured Mira toward the large tent that sat a little apart from the rest of the small camp.

Mira clamped her mouth tightly to keep from arguing with the soldiers. Whoever was to question her better have better sense than these idiots. Feeling a tug, Mira was led toward the tent, her horse led away to the picket line with the other horses. One of the patrolman unfastened her sword from the saddle and carried it away. This annoyed Mira, that some peon would handle her sword, given to her by her father. She tried to follow the soldier and see where he took it but she was pushed into the large tent with the flap closing behind her.

Several braziers sat around, keeping a comfortable temperature that wasn't too warm. Rugs and furs dotted the ground here and there, along with a map table and a single cot. Huffing to herself, Mira applied some pressure to her bindings and growled at see that there was little give for her to try and slip her hands through them. All of this was nonsense and it left her unsettled. That young man who accosted her had such a rabid view of national pride that anyone that wasn't a Stormcloak, automatically fell into the Imperial category. There were no lines of gray there to where you could be neither but still be a citizen of Skyrim.

She paced the inside of the tent as she waited for whoever 'he' was to come question her. The wind picked up outside, making the sides of the tent vibrate. The soft sound of snow hitting the weatherproof material told Mira the snow was falling rapidly now. Even after a questioning session with whoever was the commander of this camp, Mira wouldn't make good time to Solitude. There was still ten miles of road yet to cover, going up a mountain.

A draft of cold air blew in, making the flames in the braziers flicker before the tent flap closed again. Mira turned around to see a large hooded man enter and shake the snow from his shoulders. He eased his hands up to pull back the hood and unclasp the front of the cloak. Mira's heart thumped hard to see Ulfric raise his head and look at her in surprise.

“Mir?” He asked. “You are the prisoner Maelin brought in?”

“Unfortunately.”

Seeing her wrists bound, Ulfric reached in his belt and withdrew his knife, going up to her and reaching for the bindings to slice them free. “That fool!” He rumbled, as he put the knife away and went to rub Mira's wrists and hands to bring circulation back to them. “I sent flyers out to all camps with your description and for them to afford you respect if they see you on the road.”

“Maybe it hasn't reached here yet, Ric. This is pretty far from Windhelm.” Mira shrugged.

Ulfric unlatched the clasp to her cloak and took it off Mira's shoulders. “It's no excuse.”

“There is no excuse for detaining a citizen without just cause, Ric.” Mira speared him an intense look. “What is this all about, if I'm not a Stormcloak, I must be an Imperial? What nonsense! I am a child of Skyrim! Skyrim!”

The jarl sighed heavily and looked away from her gaze. “Some of the militia are more...enthusiastic than others.”

“That may be but it isn't needed in an army! You should know that! I never heard that kind of prejudicial nationalistic pride in any of my men; they either changed their philosophy fast, or were out of my platoon! Unity was needed, whether we were Nord, Breton, Imperial, or whoever.”

“I know...but...” He turned back to her gaze and held it. “Some things have changed, Mir.”

“It's obvious and maybe not for the better.”

“Don't say that.” Ulfric hardened his voice. “You left the Legion because you didn't agree with the politics and after the war, we were doing just fine with our militia in keeping Skyrim safe from invasion by the Dominion. However, that weak emperor sent his troops here to 'restore order' and let those damned Thalmor in! How is that better? We can't worship Talos in public without being put to death for religious blasphemy!”

“Ric, your men are targeting citizens because they are not with the Stormcloaks! Do you know how upsetting that is? People who don't side with one or the other shouldn't be targeted and branded as traitors!” Mira cried out in exasperation. “I wanted to get to an inn before the storm! That was all! After the years of being away, I forgot all about the early storms in the mountains and didn't pack an all-weather tent. Does that make me a traitor?”

“What are you doing out here, Mir?” Ulfric stood there, looking down on Mira.

“Doing a job for the Companion's. I am a part of them, Ric. I'm specifically doing this job for the Harbinger.”

Ulfric sighed again and brought his hands up to her face, cupping them and leaning his forehead down to hers. “I'm sorry this happened. I believe you for you would not lie to me or anyone about your purpose. Fools! As a Companion and Dovahkiin, you are on no one's side.”

“The man is green but Ric, you had better let those men know with firmness that they best watch their accusations before things escalate more to where not even you can stop it.”

“What if there is a traitor among these so-called citizens? I wouldn't discount a spy being sent that showed no allegiance and just happen to been taken at their word.”

“There is always that possibility. I'm not asking you forgo caution but have some sense!”

Ulfric ground his jaw and then gave a slow nod. “I don't want to fight about this here. I am happy to see you, however. You won't be able to travel until this storm passes, however.”

“If I wasn't detained so, I would have been in Solitude by now, enjoying a warm fire and cup of wine.” Mira gave a sharp grin. Ulfric shook his head and chuckled.

“For that I am sorry, my lady. What can this humble man do to repay for this atrocity?” His eyes gleamed with a lingering lusty hunger.

When he gave that look to Mira, her insides squirmed. It was that look that made her weak to Ulfric's charms, one she had wished when they were younger had been turned on her. It encompassed you, made you the center of the Ulfric's attentions. He was a bit of a domineering man but his smooth charm and deep voice compensated that, along with his gentle, slow caresses. Coupled with the love he held for her alone, Mira was hopeless against it. The new part of her whimpered and wanted the man this instant. Mira tamped down the wolf in her and smiled back at Ulfric.

“Tie those flaps closed, my love, and keep me warm.” Mira grinned.

Ulfric grinned, his fingers trailing off her cheek as he turned to secure his tent flaps closed. Then he folded over another flap that helped block the wind coming through the tied opening. Approaching Mira again, he reached toward her light armor and immediately worked at the fastenings while taking her mouth with his.

 

* * * * * *

Ulfric nuzzled into Mira’s neck, his fingers tracing circles on her stomach. The fresh scars didn’t go unnoticed and he dismissed them as Mira having run into some beast on one of her jobs. However, when they made love, she was fiercer, more demanding. Not new to having hard sex, Ulfric complied, enjoying this near animalistic passion. The storm wailed outside so their cries were lost among the wind. He lifted his head and looked over Mira as she slept. The woman twitched and was a bit restless which made him pause. Mira was never a deep sleeper but this was new. He traced over the claw marks on her back, resting his hand on the evenly spaced scars. It was the same spacing as a man’s hand. Again, Ulfric knew there were beasts in many lairs that held a man’s shape.

Closing his eyes, Ulfric opened his senses and leaned down to smell Mira’s skin. The teachings of the Grey Beards came easily and as he softly whispered a word, his senses heightened. Mira was always a fierce fighter, tough as steel in order to deal with the enemy that was larger and stronger than she was. What Ulfric sensed on her now was primal, a simmering and checked animal anger just under the woman’s skin. He knew what werewolf smelled like and it was on Mira, but there was a bit of difference though. It was controlled; the rage was on a tight leash. This made Ulfric frown and a little angry that the woman somehow became tainted. Inhaling deeply, his eyes widened as he smelled something else, or more like, someone else. It shared the same animal scent.

His hand tightened on Mira’s shoulder which woke her with a start and roll over to face Ulfric with a fierce look. Blinking, the look cleared and she smiled sleepily and changed as she sensed his foul mood.

“When did it happen?”

“What?” She responded in confusion.

“Did you think I wouldn’t notice that something has changed, Mir? So, when did the curse happen?”

Her eyes narrowed. “It isn’t something to tell everyone like it was the latest market gossip.” Mira snapped.

“No, I suppose being cursed with lycanthropy wouldn’t but this is me, Mir.” Ulfric kept his temper under control from further escalation of the conversation to an argument. “I loved the rough sex but I knew something then had changed. And the new scars, they are from the other.”

Mira worked her jaw as she kept her own rising temper at bay. Ulfric watched the rage behind her silver eyes. “It’s happened recently.” She said with a controlled voice.

“So, is this why you are out here in the Reach?”

“Somewhat. Look, I can’t really say any more, Ric. I might be chasing a legend that hasn’t ever existed but I am doing this for a friend.”

“It’s dangerous out here, Mir.” Ulfric said, letting some of his anger and concern slip into his voice.

“No more dangerous than serving in the Legion? Or fighting ice wraiths on the lake? Come now, Ric, that is a very macho attitude even from you.”

“Can I help that I don’t want anything to happen to you, despite that something has already! Mir, it is shocking to find out that you are a werewolf! I’m not happy to know but even less so that it seems like you were never going to say anything.”

“If I did, this is exactly what would have happened!” Mira said in frustration and rolled away and out from under the furs. Ulfric watched her pace the tent, desire and anger warred in him as his eyes roamed over the defined curves. Even despite the wolf inside of her, Ulfric found Mira beautiful. He is still upset but it didn’t deter his love for the woman.

“What do you expect from me?” He got up from the cot and went up to Mira, placing his hands on her shoulders, forcing the woman to look at him. “Look at what I am striving for and the next thing I know, the woman I love is part wolf!”

“So, it is true that you don’t hold any love for non-Nords?” Mira’s voice cooled.

“This isn’t what we are talking about!” Ulfric growled. “This is about you, about us!”

“You don’t think that this war for freedom of yours won’t interfere with us, Ric? So I am cursed but it is my curse that I have to live with! I can keep it in control!”

“What about me?” Ulfric was hurt by Mira’s detachment. “Don’t I have a say? Did we not agree to share our lives? This affects me, too, Mir! Or does the other man share your secret?”

“What?” Mira’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Your scars are not from an attack and I smelled him on you. So, you could share your secret with him and not bother to tell me! Dammit, Mir, I love you but there are these moments that you are intent to push me away!”

“Just as you keep from me what you have been through, telling me not to worry. I am not the only one who has changed, Ric!” Mira said heatedly. “You never have been a man that would discriminate against those of other races that have settled here in Skyrim! You have gotten hard but you know this and you try to protect me from the truths people say about you. Don’t you think that my curse would be but another burden that I didn’t want to place on your shoulders?”

“I would have gladly shouldered the burden. That is what couples do!”She blinked and stared at Ulfric. He cupped her face, fighting to gain back control of his temper.

“It goes both ways, Ric.” Mira told his softly.

It was his turn to blink in surprise and when the meaning got through, he nodded slowly. “True, it does.”

There was a moment of tense silence; the snow had stopped blowing against the canvas of the tent. Mira gave a deep sigh and rested her forehead against Ulfric’s. “I regret that the curse happened but I must deal with it.”

“And the man?” Ulfric swallowed the lump in his throat.

Mira opened her mouth to speak, shut it and started again. “He’s a Companion, Ric, and an old friend. He shares the same affliction.”

“Did you…” His jaw worked hard expecting confirmation of his suspicion.

“Yes.” Mira whispered. “Ric…if you noticed the change when we made love, then understand this…with him, it is purely primal, fierce, and almost vicious.”

He was silent a moment digesting the confession. Ulfric was angry that Mira had shared her body with another man but under the circumstances of the affliction in her, in some way he could understand. During their lovemaking, her scratching came to a point of being painful. There was a newfound stamina in her that left him panting to keep up. With a shaking hand, Ulfric caressed at Mira’s face.

“I’m not happy this happened to you, Mir, but I still love you, hopelessly in love with you. That hasn’t changed. What will you do?”

“See if the Harbinger’s theory is true and go from there.” Mira sighed deeply.

“Tell me about this…on second thought, don’t.” Ulfric shook his head.

“I’m sorry, Ric, truly. I love you, too, far longer than you may realize, and that hasn’t changed. I just need to deal with this curse, along with being dovahkiin.”

“I understand, Mir. Do what you need to do but know I am here, even if we argue and yell at each other. Though, when we aren’t so busy, we do need a long sit down and talk. You are right that there is much I haven’t told you. There is much that I haven’t yet come to terms with and hearing from you what people are saying and what you are noticing, I realize that I haven’t been completely honest.”

Mira watched him, her silver eyes ensnaring him all over again that his chest hurt with the deep feelings he had for the woman. Leaning in, Ulfric kissed her full mouth softly and pulled back lest they got carried away.

“I better clean up and get dressed.” Mira said softly. “The snow has let up.”

“Talk to my quartermaster about getting a cold weather tent and rations.”

“Okay.” Leaving his arms, he watched Mira go to the far corner in his tent where the wash basin was and went about washing up.

Turning away himself, he reached for his breeches, sliding them on and tying the waist closed. Ulfric grabbed a tunic next, putting it on before undoing the ties on the tent flaps. He left the tent and Mira, paused a moment outside to see the snow had indeed let up and the sky lightened to a light overcast day. The Stormcloaks greeted their jarl as he walked forward to speak with the quartermaster. Afterwards, he talked to the camp’s commander about the next mission. His eyes turned up as Mira stepped out of his tent and to the quartermaster. A young soldier brought her horse, along with the pack and weapons she brought. Spotting him, Mira walked up to Ulfric before departing.

He gave her a tight smile and nodded to his commander to leave them. “So you are off to go legend hunting?”

“Yes.” Mira tried to smile but it dimmed shortly. “Ric…”

“Mir, you don’t need to say anything. We both need some time to adjust.”

“I might not be back to Windhelm for some time.”

“I know. But I know where to find you.”

Mira gave a sigh and started forward but Ulfric reached for her hand as she passed by, squeezing it. “I am not giving you up, Mir.” He rumbled. “Take care of what you need to do and come back to me.”

Her eyes searched his and then smiled softly. “Thank you, Ric.”

Smiling, Ulfric leaned down and kissed Mira before letting her go. He watched her travel up the game path until out of sight.